i dont know.... IM lost

im lost im sad im depressed
and i dont know why.

the guy i like/ love most

said he was inlove with me
and that he wishes i wasnt with dylan

Zach oh Zach
I'm lost 
I can't find my way
My mind is mixed
Nothing can be found
I don't know whats right
I don't know whats wrong
All I know is that 
I want to be with you
But with my mind a buzz
I can't say 
Since
Sometimes I'll get what I've always wanted
And feel like I have nothing
Or I don't want it anymore.
Or I loose it 
To soon
Right when I have you in my arms
Closest to my heart, 
Please promise me you won't leave.
I love you.

H a t e

She hated her eyes
She hated her nose
She hated her hair
And her smile too

She hated her arms
She hated her legs
She hated her stomach
Her breasts and butt too

She hated her school
She hated the drama
She hated the lies
And the truths too

She hated her tears
She hated her pain
She hated being numb
And her scars too

She hated her life
She hated it all
She hated herself
Until he proved
He Loved her.

Dear You

Dear You,

    Smile. Even though you're always beautiful,
    a frown doesn't really suit you.

                    Love,
                       Me.

P.S. I care.

You Said

You said
   you'd never hurt me.
        Was that a lie too?
You said
   we'd stay together.
       That was never true.
You said
   that you'd protect me.
       Did you mean from heartbreak too?
You said
   you had loved me.
      But not how I "loved" you.

Re-Enabled

May I leave a whisper around your ear
Dodge My words and escape that boring sound
A cold drift of air hits your face again
Dig Holes to find that flat attraction
I never missed that moments we shared

I have the Bow
But you have no arrow
I'm already hit in the heart
Its broken

I have my hands to hold it
You don't have the glue for stitching it

I wonder if I ever needed you
why did I called you darling
That can't Love

I had a single moment of revelation
Till I die again
I aim so high you could not reach with your eyes
After all I found a way to compete with myself
You Just found a way to get me on my knees

I wonder if I ever Loved you
I gave you my heart
That can't be a human life

Cannot or am I wrong
Live on or cast away

the moments we shared
and
Every single breath I took with you
Every little word I said
I take it back
It never counted that much for you
I swear I won't make the same mistake again

Im Shattered

Shattered peices on the floor, 
No i dont think i can take anymore.
You just want to see me burn,
Oh how shallow you are, you never learned!
Beauty and pain, its all the same,
Because you just need somebody to blame.
Next time you want to point fingers look in the mirror, 
there you will find the one to blame for all this pain.

Emo I have long brown and blonde hair And black is what I like to wear Black eyeliner covers my eyes Sometimes people are what I despise People call me sleazy And sometimes easy They also call me emo and weird Ever since I  randomly appeared At their tiny little school They all like to judge me But they're  are people that know The way things really go They're the ones I call friends They know the real me The me no one else sees The me that loves to laugh and smile And be with them for awhile The me that can play guitar and sing Because it's just my thing They know that under all this black Is a girl who loves hug attacks A girl who wants to be accepted Not the one who is excepted So stop judging me And try to see The girl under all this black

I guess thats it. Jeremy's gone. He's with Jennifer now. He told her i was nothing more then a friend with sex, mainly just a booty call. </3 My heart shattered hearing that. As that one tear slid down my face when he said she was the only person he knows that made him feel like he has a reason to be here in this life, my heart shattered. I can't deal with it anymore.

Jeremy said what he did. Just as cold as his words were as they shot my through my heart. He killed me last night. With out a loving heart, I have nothing.

But he is just one fish in a sea. There will come a day when I find a great guy who will refill my heart with love and joy(:

so now ill just be waiting for that day(:

Scared For My Life, My Life With Him.

No! This can't be happening! Why? Why? Why? Why would you let her over to your house with him there! Have you realized that I've probably lost him, again?! I can't take this, you are my sister you know that I want to be with him, you know she lied to me about being with him. How could you possibly put them back in the same room?!

I think I'm going to puke! I can't stand this. I don't want to see him hurt by her again. She lied to me last night. She's "supposed" to be my "best friend" but I can't constantly be lied to. Urg! This is killing me, not but two days ago i was so happy to know that he was falling in love with me.

But now he could be gone again. I worked so hard to be with him. Now to just have it ripped away from me by a girl that says she's my best friend. I can't do this anymore. I'm about to be done with it all and just date Zach, so I don't have to deal with this drama.

Yes, I want to be with Jeremy more then anyone i know but if he fell for her before how do i know that he won't fall for her again?

i dont know what to do.

A Beautiful Lie She tries to hide the pain behind a smile, but the tears expose her deception. She utters the phrase 'I'm fine' when the scars on her wrists tell a different story. The look in her eyes is so contradictory to the words spilling off her tongue. The lies keep tripping over each other as she tries to survive to tomorrow. She'll stare at him for hours, trying to get him to notice her. She bores her eyes into his skull, hoping he'll see how much pain she's in. When that eventually fails, she excuses herself just so she can cry alone. She'll just sit on the floor and wonder why she isn't good enough for him. Why can't she look like the other girls, with the tiny waists and pretty eyes? Why doesn't anyone seem to think of her as the beautiful one, or even the pretty one? She'll continue to cry until her eyes are dry and her sobs fade into the empty air. She'll soon pick herself up off the ground, and leave her soul behind as she exits. The non truths will continue through the rest of the day, and when she gets home, her tears will come back (with a vengeance) The next day, the same story plays on, mimicking a song on repeat. One day, she'll be fed up with her sickness and decide it's not worth the pain anymore. Right before the lights go out, she finally sees him smile her way She thinks 'Maybe it is worth the pain, just as long as I get to see that boy smile.'

Yum, Yum, Yum!

 

Mmmmmm, oh nummy! Cookies, Chocolate Chip. Ohhh Orgazim in my pants(: So yummy, so gooy, so Oh My Lordy GOOD! I love em, I do. I bet they love me to, In my mouth, In my tummy, mm mm mm their so yummy! OOOOOO I love cookies(: 

So Happy I Could Scream!

He says he's falling inlove with me(: i'm so happy i could scream(:


he's better then jay.

fuck jay he's lied to me. he said he loved me more then the girl hes with and if it wasnt for his daughter he would be with me. Well im done. hes gone.

im happy with out him. tho i still love him as a friend.

now i have jeremy(:

I love him(:

                                                                                

--i promise to love you as long as i live--

And now im so happy to be able to call him mine(:

The Unknown Kills Me!

The One mad I Love most, I don't even know if he even wants to be with me- Alyssa Colter

Jeremy I love you more then anything.

I don't want to be sad or depressed or worried about him not wanting to be with me, it seems like he does but I don't want to be played so I need to know. I want to be with him. Really Badly and I want it to be official. This not knowing thing is going to kill me! I SWEAR!!! I need to know so then I know if I should just move on and find someone else who WANTS to be with me.I'm tired of wasting my time on guys that don't want to be with me. URG! I need to know because I don't want to center my sad excuse of a world/life around someone who only wants a BOTTY CALL!

Cheater Cheater! Haha Not Me, Not On YOU!

Wow. You think i cheated on you with him?! Wow, just because we are always together doesn't mean i cheated on you with him. Jezz.,. He's my best friend i know i cheated on Shawn with Jeremy, but i wouldn't do that to you Reece.
Wow. But you know what? I DONT CARE ANYMORE. Jeremy and I are basically together. So what ever.
i want to be with him more then you. And i do love you. By the way Jeremy isn't the one to be worried about, Its Dylan & Jay. More of Dylan then Jay but who cares other then you. Well Reece, I hope your happy with dumping me, because when you said we were over, i was already trying to figure out how to dump you.

 

 

So hahaha(: Haters Make Me Famous

Reece you and me Best Friends NO MORE.

Watch YourSelf Before You Wreck YourSelf

Bullshit that's just Bullshit. I mean you shouldn't spread shit about someone when you don't even know them? I mean really. Isn't that like something you do in middle school?! and know the one person i think i love most in my life cant even come to my school with me anymore. after i did a lot of work to get it so he could go to homecomming with me. but all that work for nothing. i hate this school. i hate it. my life would be better if i wasnt here. i dont want to see any of the people here ever again. i want to run from them all only to turn back to tell them that spreading rumors does nothing but ruin someone else. im sick of this. im not going to be pushed around any longer. the teachers promised me last year that they would get them to stop but they never did so its my turn to put it to an end. you think you can run this school? well if you dont shut your God damn fucking shit hole mouth ima shut it for you and make it so you cant talk for a long ass time. you fuck with my friends you fuck with me and my sister and boy thats not going to end well. well atleast not for you. so shut your bitch or ima do it. and dont you ever fucking doubt me. because bitch you talk it i serve it and here soon ima be serven to you! 

Shit Shit Shit!!!

Dating people who your parents, well just you dad doesn't like isn't the greatest. Like me for example! I'm dating this guy Reece and like my dad doesn't like his since he's fat, and a Mexican. My dad doesn't know we are dating, he thinks I'm am dating my best friend Jeremy since him and I are always together and like i lean on him a lot. But my dad doesn't want me to date him since I'm 5 years younger then him. 

I think this is my most complicating relationship. My mom doesn't care that I am dating Reece, but my whole family wants me to be with Jeremy. I really like Jeremy and I think I'm inlove with him. But like i love Reece like a Best Friend I guess... Though I love kissing him, and hugging him, urg I hate this. 

Then there is Jay, who says he's inlove with me but he's engaged to he girl, who he swears he doesn't love as much as me. But Jay is with her because he has a daughter with her... so I don't know what to do! URG SHIT SHIT SHIT!